so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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