I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
