"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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