sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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