Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize