My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
