see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we're making bets on your personal life
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
