he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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