exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
