Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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