I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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