i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
