i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
