I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
