"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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