But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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