Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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