and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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