I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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