I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
