Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
