a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
