I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
