sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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