I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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