listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
