I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
