all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
