dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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