I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
