i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
