dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
