Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
