I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize