Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
