And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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