my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
