are you so shy because you have an std?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
