Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
