just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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