I wish my penis had an off switch
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
