So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
