Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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