dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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