people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
