I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
