I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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