You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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