In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
