Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
