Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize