Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
