You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
