I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
