so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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