By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
