my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
