he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
