Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
