Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize