Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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