Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So vagazzling was a success
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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