that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
