Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
