i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize