all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Mom said you looked used
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
