Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
