waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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