Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
