Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
