i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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