Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm both gender and math confused
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
