someone get that fucking seahorse.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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