I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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