I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
